Athens 2004
Button mash your way to the gold... or just break a controller instead.
Published: July 25, 2004
It's odd to sit here in a year where developers are crafting games that look damn near photo-realistic and have my wrists and forearms ache like they haven't in some 20 or so years. The fact that there's sweat beading on my brow too might lead you to think I was furiously mast--errrr, nevermind. The point is, I'm all tuckered out after simultaneously having a massive flashback to my youth and Track & Field on the NES -- Power Pad and all -- and having what I think was a small heart attack.
It's been a long, LONG while since I've been forced to mash a couple of buttons, and I honestly thought that by now we'd have moved beyond this simple gameplay mechanic into something... Well, something a little closer to the real games. Instead, we have Athens 2004, "the only official game of the Olympics." This translates to "button mash and borrow elements from rhythm action games to cash in on the world's biggest sporting event." Not a bad way to get some moolah, I'll admit, but that doesn't mean it's especially engaging either.
If you happen to live in a college dorm and have a lot of friends that come over for multiplayer gaming sessions, then you're set. Hell, have everyone throw in a couple bucks, go get the game and turn it into one of those delicious drinking games you kids are always interested in. Unless there's a whole lot of companionship and even more booze laying around, though, trying to convince anyone that dropping $40 on a game designed to make you hurt is probably going to be a lost cause from the get-go.
For anyone not familiar with the now-infamous gameplay of this genre, I'll make it nice and simple. For nearly all events in the game, you're forces to pound alternately on the X and O buttons to propel your character around a track, down a straightaway, under some weights and so forth. There are moments where you switch things up by using the analog sticks (usually by trying to spin the little suckers faster than light), or in a now-classic gameplay cut-and-paste, play a little basic DDR with a dance mat if you have one, but by and large you're going to wake up the next morning after playing this game only to wonder why the hell your wrists feel like they're suddenly made of concrete. Concrete that hurts you when you try to bend it.
Athens tries to be as all-encompassing as possible, offering all the competing countries (complete with androgenized approximations of what each country's residents look like), and a handful of national anthems, and offers a slew of games, but when the difference between one even is mashing buttons for 30 seconds and the other is mashing for 60, while still another is mashing while intermittently hitting L1, there's not as much variety as one would hope.
That's not to say there aren't any fun events. Archery is actually quite well done, with a bulls-eye superimposed over the actual target that slowly shrinks as you aim your shot. But then there's the equestrian events where just steering your horse towards the gates you're supposed to be jumping over is a chore. The aforementioned DDR bit for the floor exercise and some rhythm action timing bits mix things up, but otherwise it's mash, mash mash.
Even the visuals begin to tire you out after just a while. While I'm sure it wasn't completely intentional, developer Eurocom's attempt at adding emotion to the athletes faces often just leaves them looking like they're having an aneurism or are going to turn into The Hulk any second. Trust me, it's even scarier than it sounds -- especially on women.
Most of the athletes look more or less athletic, but the animations are jerky and the articulation in hands is almost nonexistent. The fields and areas are faithfully recreated from the actual plans (and at the rate their going this may be the most complete version of the Greek megastadium we'll see). Effects are minimal, with perhaps only the sand on the long jump really worthy of any note. Even the water during the swimming events feels languid.
The audio is likewise a banal assault on your ears. Smatterings of cheers or boos and a few golf claps here or there just don't add too much to the ambiance, and the music that is in place is minimal at best. As I mentioned before, the game is actually missing some national anthems; hardly the kind of practice one wants in a game supposedly reproducing the diversity of the Games.
I said it before and I'll say it again; if you have lots of friends and dig doing a full-on multiplayer competition from time to time, you have a good rental on your hands here. If you're looking for a drinking game, it may be worth it to shell out the cash. Otherwise, there's literally no real reason to invest anything more than a 15 minute playthrough in the game.
It's been a long, LONG while since I've been forced to mash a couple of buttons, and I honestly thought that by now we'd have moved beyond this simple gameplay mechanic into something... Well, something a little closer to the real games. Instead, we have Athens 2004, "the only official game of the Olympics." This translates to "button mash and borrow elements from rhythm action games to cash in on the world's biggest sporting event." Not a bad way to get some moolah, I'll admit, but that doesn't mean it's especially engaging either.
If you happen to live in a college dorm and have a lot of friends that come over for multiplayer gaming sessions, then you're set. Hell, have everyone throw in a couple bucks, go get the game and turn it into one of those delicious drinking games you kids are always interested in. Unless there's a whole lot of companionship and even more booze laying around, though, trying to convince anyone that dropping $40 on a game designed to make you hurt is probably going to be a lost cause from the get-go.
For anyone not familiar with the now-infamous gameplay of this genre, I'll make it nice and simple. For nearly all events in the game, you're forces to pound alternately on the X and O buttons to propel your character around a track, down a straightaway, under some weights and so forth. There are moments where you switch things up by using the analog sticks (usually by trying to spin the little suckers faster than light), or in a now-classic gameplay cut-and-paste, play a little basic DDR with a dance mat if you have one, but by and large you're going to wake up the next morning after playing this game only to wonder why the hell your wrists feel like they're suddenly made of concrete. Concrete that hurts you when you try to bend it.
Athens tries to be as all-encompassing as possible, offering all the competing countries (complete with androgenized approximations of what each country's residents look like), and a handful of national anthems, and offers a slew of games, but when the difference between one even is mashing buttons for 30 seconds and the other is mashing for 60, while still another is mashing while intermittently hitting L1, there's not as much variety as one would hope.
That's not to say there aren't any fun events. Archery is actually quite well done, with a bulls-eye superimposed over the actual target that slowly shrinks as you aim your shot. But then there's the equestrian events where just steering your horse towards the gates you're supposed to be jumping over is a chore. The aforementioned DDR bit for the floor exercise and some rhythm action timing bits mix things up, but otherwise it's mash, mash mash.
Even the visuals begin to tire you out after just a while. While I'm sure it wasn't completely intentional, developer Eurocom's attempt at adding emotion to the athletes faces often just leaves them looking like they're having an aneurism or are going to turn into The Hulk any second. Trust me, it's even scarier than it sounds -- especially on women.
Most of the athletes look more or less athletic, but the animations are jerky and the articulation in hands is almost nonexistent. The fields and areas are faithfully recreated from the actual plans (and at the rate their going this may be the most complete version of the Greek megastadium we'll see). Effects are minimal, with perhaps only the sand on the long jump really worthy of any note. Even the water during the swimming events feels languid.
The audio is likewise a banal assault on your ears. Smatterings of cheers or boos and a few golf claps here or there just don't add too much to the ambiance, and the music that is in place is minimal at best. As I mentioned before, the game is actually missing some national anthems; hardly the kind of practice one wants in a game supposedly reproducing the diversity of the Games.
I said it before and I'll say it again; if you have lots of friends and dig doing a full-on multiplayer competition from time to time, you have a good rental on your hands here. If you're looking for a drinking game, it may be worth it to shell out the cash. Otherwise, there's literally no real reason to invest anything more than a 15 minute playthrough in the game.
